i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
