My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God, I missed his penis.
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