Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
