see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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