if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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