I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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