Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
