He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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