KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
