i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sarcasm needs its own font
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
