I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
