ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
