NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
