i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
