Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
