Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
