I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
