I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
