Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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