you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
