his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
