Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
