I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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