I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
