I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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