Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
