Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
