Moan for me like Helen Keller
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
