I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
