Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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