it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
