So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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