what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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