i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
