the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
