She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
