im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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