i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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