well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
