my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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