So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
