Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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