The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
