i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
