I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
