her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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