so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
