they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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