And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
