Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
please come you make the beer taste better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
