Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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