She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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